A Fowl Affair
by LoveFromAzkaban
Summary: When Draco finds out the condescending know-it-all he almost kissed and sort of groped was Artemis Fowl, his new classmate, things get very tricky indeed.


Hello there, anyone who is reading this. As you probably already have deduced this is a Draco/Artemis crossover fic. It is rated M for the next chapter, which includes eventual smut.

* * *

Draco was just trying to teach the mudblood a lesson. He had never counted on _liking _it. He was never supposed to have felt anything more than the sensation between his legs.

It was just that the boy aggravated him. He got under Draco's skin in a way nobody else ever had, not even Potter. At first glance, the two of them were very similar, he and Artemis. Ivory skinned, well dressed, with heart shaped faces and cold disdain for the general population - or, as others were likely to call them, "pale snobs."

Draco was almost even willing to ignore the boy's mudblood status, on account of them both being the heirs of notorious family empires. It wasn't often you met someone so much like you.

Draco was pleased to see the boy on the platform at the start of fourth year. He knew, just from the look of his tailored slacks and pressed shirt and the shine of his black shoes, that he was like him: in a position of power and money. Even if that money was muggle filth. He noted the emotionless mask the boy wore while he stared around him, shuddering any time someone got too close or talked too loud in his ear. There was a hairless cat sitting on a trunk by his side, a strange little thing with attentive eyes that stayed close to its owner's heels and hissed at anyone who came near, but Draco paid it no mind. He strode right up to the boy and stuck out his hand.

"Draco Malfoy," he drawled. "It is a pleasure for you to meet me, new boy. I'm willing to overlook your disgusting heritage on the grounds of old money recognizing old money."

The boy looked at him with startling eyes - one azure blue against the pallor of his face, and another hazel, with flecks of gold that swam in the overhanging lantern light. Draco remembered the strange feeling that hit him in the gut when he looked at the boy's face, the feeling that crawled inside him and curled up in his stomach, and made itself a home there.

The boy was...well, Draco would say, for the risk of sounding like a poof, _aesthetically pleasing. _He had a sort of childlike face, with his wide brow and large eyes and pointed chin, but not reminiscent of a normal child; he looked like a child who would steal your crayons when your back was turned and smile innocently as you searched for them.

Draco was intrigued.

"I assume that was meant to be taken as a proposal of friendship," the boy said in a lilting voice, looking rather unimpressed, his eyebrows not even raising as he spoke.

Draco was caught off guard.

"Well, it -"

"I don't know whether you meant my heritage being _muggle-born _as your kind call it, or simply Irish, but either way I'm uninterested in any offers. Your cufflinks are so tacky they offend my eyes. Emeralds? _Really?"_

Draco looked down at the flashy gemstones on the sleeves of his tailored suit, then steeled his jaw.

"They were a gift from my father."

"Ah, now that changes everything. Suddenly they are the height of class and not at all a desperate attempt to scream at the world, _I have lots of money." _The boy reached down and heaved his heavy suitcase over his shoulder, his spine bending under the weight, nearly doubling him over as he struggled to carry it.

Draco smirked and was about to make a smart remark about the boy's lack of physical strength when suddenly the hairless cat swiped its paw at Draco's ankle, its claws raking open his flesh, trailing blood down to his loafers, before it darted away after its master.

"Damn it!" he hissed, kicking the air where the cat once stood. "Stupid bloody cat."

"Are you talking to yourself?" came a voice from ahead. The muggleborn boy was making his way down the deserted platform toward the carriages, his shadow flickering in and out of darkness as he passed under the lights of the train. With a scowl Draco hurried along after him. He needed to put this Irish mudblod peasant in his place. "I _would_ give the expected retort on how that's a sign of insanity, but it actually isn't, as it happens. Some of the world's greatest minds talked to themselves to pace their thoughts. Einstein, for one. Me, for another. I find myself talking to myself quite often. It's the only decent conversation I get."

"You do realize how pathetic you sound?" Draco wrinkled his nose. "Hang on, did you just refer to yourself as one of the world's greatest minds?"

"Yes," the boy said in an offhand, cavalier way, as if discussing the weather. "I have the highest IQ in Europe."

"The highest IQ in Europe?" Draco repeated doubtfully.

"The highest recorded IQ, that is, but according to my calculations, I should have one of the highest in the entire world, including the Lower Elements." The boy said all this in an effortlessly condescending way, like he was so condescending he didn't even realize he was being condescending.

Draco had not counted on all of this conversation. He'd wanted to get a few insults in, remind the boy that he was a lowly urchin, and skulk off to find Crabbe and Goyle, but he was facing some problems: firstly, the boy was surprisingly not a lowly urchin, and therefore could not be reminded that he was one, _and_ now the boy was talking so much Draco couldn't even get a word in. He just wanted the boy to shut up, and he could think of a few interesting ways to make that happen...

With a quick look up ahead to make sure the other fourth years were all in the carriages, Draco stepped in front of this boy, abruptly blocking his path. He was pleased to find he was taller than the boy by a good few inches, and cast a shadow along the curve of his face as he stepped closer.

The boy's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he regained composure and put on an emotionless mask. Draco sneered.

"You don't have a lot of manners for a new kid, mudblood," Draco said with as much seething venom as he could. "New kids should always mind their manners, _especially_ mudbloods."

He reached into the sleeve of his blazer to pull out his wand -

But he found his sleeve completely empty. When his eyebrows knit together in confusion as he patted himself down, searching desperately, the boy laughed.

"Are you looking for your _magic wand?" _the boy said patronizingly, then dangled it in front of Draco's nose. With an angry cry, Draco snatched it from the boy's hand - then snatched up the boy's wrist along with it and dragged him close.

The boy's breath left him in a rush as he staggered forward, coming out in a hot huff against Draco's neck. Draco bristled, his fingernails digging into the soft, ivory skin beneath his hands - but, although a moment ago he had wanted to grab the boy and draw blood, the feel of the boy's breath against his neck was clouding his thoughts, replacing them with other ones. More appealing ones. He suddenly looked down at the _aesthetically pleasing _face below him and found himself distracted by the cupid's bow shape of the lips, and felt the overwhelming urge to just lean in and -

"Do you want to know a secret?" the boy whispered, interrupting his thoughts. His breath gusted over Draco's face like a ghost, his dark lashes fluttering like moths in the dark.

Draco nodded.

"That wasn't your wand. _This _is."

And before he could react something sharp lodged itself in his side with a stab of pain that brought him gasping to his knees. His wand clattered to the dirty ground before him in the dark, and the boy laughed as he strolled away, the hairless cat following along at his heels.

Then he stopped and turned back.

"My name is Artemis Fowl," he said with a wave of his hand and a vampire grin that rattled Draco to the core, for various reasons. "It is not such a pleasure for you to have met me."

* * *

If this had been the last Draco had ever seen or heard of Artemis Fowl, things would not have been quite so awful. He would have magically erased the incident from his mind, would have forgotten the boy's stupid face and the hetero-chromatic color scheme of his doe eyes, and would have eventually forgotten the pain in his side, with the aid of some healing potions he nicked from a Ravenclaw's trunk.

But, despite having never set foot in a wizarding school before, as the rumors were saying, the infamous Artemis Fowl had managed to be sorted into Slytherin house, in Draco's dormitory to boot, then placed in advanced fourth year classes for almost everything, including potions, which Draco was currently in.

The teachers were fascinated by Artemis, even Snape. The other students both feared and admired him. Hufflepuffs skirted around him in the corridors. The Ravenclaws were annoyed that there was a person in the castle whose mind capacity was greater than all of theirs put together and pointedly ignored his existence. Awestruck Gryffindors stopped him to ask if he really did kidnap a fairy and hold it for ransom, and if he really did help the LEP stop a goblin rebellion in the Lower Elements, and if he really fought off a pack of trolls and saved the demons of Hybras and traveled to another dimension and back.

Yes, the boy who Draco had almost kissed - which had resulted in him being stabbed in the kidney with his own wand - was the infamous Artemis Fowl, the muggle who discovered the fairy world and got involved in a whole lot of escapades with them. There had been this whole deal with the Ministry wanting to erase his memory, but the LEP insisted it was _their _jurisdiction and that the matter didn't involve wizards at all.

At least, it hadn't until Artemis had stolen some magic in the time tunnel on his way back to this dimension, thus becoming a wizard himself.

Despite Draco's annoyance and envy and - admittedly, attraction - to Artemis Fowl, he still couldn't help but pity the boy. He had no idea what kind of trouble he had gotten himself into when he stole that magic. How purebloods had been insisting for centuries that someday something like that would happen. That the mudbloods would eventually come take what was ours.

"Draco, would you mind not staring at me?" came Fowl's voice from the desk directly in front of him, where the black haired boy was hunched over a cauldron with his back to him. "I am trying to concentrate."

"I'm not staring at you, Fowl," Draco said, a bit unnerved that the boy had somehow known without even looking at him.

"You are, though. I can feel it."

"That's not all you'll feel, in a second," Draco muttered, gripping his wand in his clenched fist. Then, suddenly, an idea struck him. His attempts to hurt Artemis' feelings had not yet worked, but perhaps he could fluster the boy. "Say, Artemis."

"What is it?"

"You don't _enjoy _me staring at you, do you?"

Artemis' hand slipped on the test tube he'd been holding, plunging the entire thing into the bubbling potion below. The cauldron spewed forth fumes and sparks in the boy's face, prompting him to stagger back into Draco's desk, his raven hair blown back and coated with ash, as was his face. But Draco could swear that beneath the gray ash that streaked his face, there was a blush creeping over his cheeks.

"Look what you made me do," Artemis sighed theatrically, flourishing his wand to clear away the spill.

"Sorry about that," Draco said lightly, touching his fingers to the back of the boy's neck. Artemis jumped, rattling the table beneath him, and smacked the hand away a moment later, looking flustered. Then as he sat back down, his elbow knocked over another test tube and spilled some ingredient or other across the tabletop. Draco chuckled lightly. Clearly all of Artemis' brains were just trying to compensate for a lack of motor skills and physical coordination. "All I'm looking for is an apology for the other night."

"I'm sorry I stabbed you with your wand when you were groping me."

"I actually meant about the cufflinks and _Iwasnotgropingyou."_

"You _weren't _groping me?" Artemis repeated very loudly, for the entire class to hear. He raised his eyebrows. "Well then, I will have to recalculate my definition of the word grope, because it _certainly _seemed to _me _like you were -"

"Shut up, mudblood!"

"Fowl! Malfoy!" Professor Snape snapped from the front of the room. "Is there a problem?"

"No, sir. No problem at all," Draco said cheerily.

Only when Artemis cleared away the spills and sat back down at his seat, his back turned to Draco in stony silence, did the blonde boy lean in and whisper in his ear:

"Believe me, Fowl. If I were groping you, _you'd know it."_

Artemis froze in his seat, his eyes staring straight ahead. It was impossible to tell what sort of emotions and thoughts were brewing behind that expressionless face.

At the desk behind him, Draco leaned back, stunned by what he had just said. _If I were groping you, you'd know it. _What on earth made him say that? It made it seem as if he _wanted _to grope Fowl.

Draco sighed, shaking his head. He did want to grope him, though. And much more.

He _knew _he was gay. He didn't know why he repeatedly tried to act like he wasn't. He could fool everyone else in the school, he could fool his parents, he could even fool Pansy, but he couldn't fool himself. He just wanted to creep up behind Fowl's chair as stealthily as a spider and cup a hand over the boy's mouth, muffling any sounds he might make, and snake an arm around the rail thin frame and trap his body against his. He wanted to lick the shell of his ear and bite his way down the tapering jaw, wanted to kiss down the nape of his neck and the dip of his spine and pin him to a mattress, binding his wrists to the bedposts with magic, making him say his name over and over...

He shifted in his seat at the back of the classroom, the stiffness between his legs throbbing as he stared at Artemis' back and watched the curve of his shoulder blades as he worked over the potion. Before anyone else in the room was even halfway finished, Artemis had completed his Sleeping Draught to perfection and demonstrated it to Snape, receiving an Oustanding with extra credit marks. A seemingly impossible feet. Draco scowled at the smug look on Fowl's face.

Then Draco mentally noted that while doing all of those sexual things to Fowl, he wanted to taunt him mercilessly.


End file.
